I am so pissed. Like, majorly pissed off. Some people just never change do they? And it's starting to get on my nerves! Big time. I'm sick of the fact they always act like nothing's wrong, yet I guess it's not to them! Cause they always get the best side of things. And I'm left with the shitty left over bits. As usual. It's just starting to get to me. I don't care if I'm over-reacting. Or if I'm acting a bit childish. I'm just trying to say what I feel. But it's just not worth it. Cause they wont listen and they'll all twist the words. I hate the way they organise it all. With me just going along with it all. And I can't sit here much longer. The more I think about it the more it gets to me and I feel like I am going to burst. Or just kick and throw something. I've been known to be violent. Having gone through about 3 music stands due to my angry outbursts and many things breaking or getting lost having been hurled across my room. I currently have a hole in my wall where I punched it a few years back and at the same time hurting my knuckles. I don't want to go back to being that person who is constantly angry. Who has a short temper and who bursts into tears from the slightest things.That's not the person I am now. I'm the person who has fantastic friends, and who is a bit mysterious but happy, who smiles to herself and blushes when someone asks what I'm smiling at. The person doesn't have a care in the world and doesn't care what people think. The person who paints and writes and plays in a band. Am I? Am I really all those things? Do I really know who I am? Or am I just being molded into what I want people to think of me as. Am I worried about what people really think? Constantly watching what I do, worrying they'll think me a freak.Who am I?
I have another friend. I'm really worried. There's nothing I can do to stop them from doing the things they do. I phone them most nights. Just for a chat. But other times just to check they're still okay. I don't like it. It just adds to my list of things to think and worry about. They can talk to me about all their problems. They always do because I force it out anyway. I hate the fact there is nothing I can do to help other than listen. I feel so helpless.
Well, this is a really depressing blog tonight! Maybe it's because it's Valentines day on Monday and I am still single. Nearly 14 and still single. What a crazy life I lead....But on the up side! Michael Buble has written a song called 'Georgia On My Mind'! (My name is Georgia...) It's a great name! But hardly anyone can spell it. I only know a couple of people who can spell it properly! Haha!!
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