Music and Dinner!

Good morning :)
I thought I'd blog on here this morning cause I am in such a good mood!! Firstly, it's half term!! So I got up t about half nine today...which is a greeat lie in! :) and also, because I have just listened to a recording from band rehearsal yesterday...and you can actually hear me!! I am so damn pleased because if there is one thing you have to know about my music playing...it is I am NOT a loud brass player...I cannot do sharp stabs and I cannot play a piece real loud...cause it's just not how I play. My tone is sweet and soft...But everyone's telling me I have to play louder, harder, sharper..so yesterday I thought, what the hell!? and I just went for it! Everytime I thought...don't play too loudly, I scolded myself! and then just played louder! Everytime I thought I was playing too loudly I didn't get quieter, I kept at the same volume. And I thought 'everyone tells me I am a damn good trumpet player for my age....so show it! and be proud!' So I did.And now I am proud. Cause why should I be scared to play out? No one else is. Why shouldn't I play just as loud as everyone else? I wont progress anywhere if I don't. And now I am glad I did!

So thats why I'm so happy...it's a big deal to me! And it's made me pleeased!

Well, I have to go now..because I am cookign dinner tonight! Spaghetti bolognaise...with my own special twist! (..Not quite sure what exactly the twist is yet..) So see you all later!

xxxxx

Hey guys! Gooood evening! I hope you're all okay! I am now rewriting this blog entry, because I accidentally exited out of my last one...I know right!! Stupid! So this is my second time writing this...I nearly didn't at first cause I couldn't be bothered...but then I thought HEY! Why not?!

I think I went sleepwalking somewhere last night....not sure where...maybe a club..or maybe the beack and I tried to climb the rocks and fell..Or maybe I just went on a reeeally long walk. Cause I woke up this morning and I could hardly move it hurt so much! I was like 'What on earth is going on!?'.......and then I had band. Which I admit, for once I really wasn't in the mood for. At all. I hardly slept at all last night. Then I woke up feeling awful and after everything that happened this week I really didn't feel like band at all. But I made myself get up and do it. I went to band and I endured it (just)....but now I have a headache. But it's a special type of headache! It's a band headache! This is where I have a normal headache..with ringing in my ears and I can still hear music.

Aand...I bought a new trumet case this week!!! It's not the best...cause they're all soo expensive. But it's nicer than the one I have at the moment! I cannot WAIT for it to arrive! I must be so sad..but I am SO excited :) My beautiful baby deserves more than the case it as at the moment... (It's properly falling to pieces!!...the case..not the trumpet) Hehe!! Hopefully it arrives before band on Sunday!

Also, I am really getting into 'Two door cinema club' ! They are actually awesome! The music is amazing!!

That's all for today... Or I may post a bit of my recent book in a bit..So keep an eye out :P Bye!! xxx

Worst Valentines day possibly ever? Found HERE

Happy (late) Valentine's day everyone..I hope you all had a more enjoyable one then I did. I can quite honestly say I had the worst one ever. I was perfectly happy just writing my latest romance novel and listening to music when I thought I would give a close friend a call. I guess I was a bit down because yet again I was single on Valentines day. I didn't think I could feel worse. Why would there be a reason to feel worse? And then she told me. And I realised how wrong I was. I felt absoloutely awful. I have never felt so bad. I guess I had kind of been waiting for this but I didn't think it would come so soon. I didn't think it would come as such of a shock. But it did and it has and it's going to take me a long time to recover.

I just wish he knew. Knew how much I 'cared?'. I am finding it hard, oh so hard, to feel 'happy' for him. I know I should, but I just can't yet. I just keep thinking 'Why would he do this to me'? Which I know sounds so stupid! But it would have been easier to have just been told 'I don't love you', then to have this happen. One of the worst bits is that I broke down over the phone to my friend. I couldn't help it. All this time I have been trying to be tough. I am the person who doesn't cry at anything. You can punch me and I will punch you back twice as hard, You can kick me and I will kick you back even harder, You can call me names and I will call you names and hit you, You can push me into a bush and I will push you out of a tree.... but I Will.NOT.cry. At least not around anyone. But I did and I did for about an hour. You see, in our relationship I am the strong one. I am the one who wipes her tears away, or comforts her over the phone. I will be the one to carry her home after a night of partying whilst I am sober and she drunk. Yet, last night she was the one offering words of comfort to me whilst I choked on my own tears and clutched at my broken-hearted chest which felt as though it had a chunk ripped out of it. In the end we were both in tears. I haven't cried in so long. It felt almost strange when I got going. But then I couldn't stop. I cried so much it started to hurt.

But once I'd gotten over the shock, I didn't cry. My heart stopped aching. I went numb, felt no pain. I felt nothing. My brain turned off and I stopped thinking. My brain disconnected itself from my body and I felt no hurt. And so now, I am happy. Happy that he's happy. And happy that he can make someone else happy. And I know that anyone who gets to stay with him, is the luckiest person in the world. And that I hope they love him as much as is humanly possible. I hope they make him happy and have a perfect life with him. Even though, so obviously. It cannot be with me.

Happy Valentines day everyone. I hope next year is even better.
x

Hello!! I'm feeling better now :) So, here is a poem I wrote for Valentine's day!......

I draw the line with chalk

Countless times I have cried over you. 

The longing to hear the words 'I love you too'.

And the love shall not dampen,

But only in a dream does it really happen.

Before too long,

You will be gone.

Yet my heart will always be yours to keep,

No matter how much I may weep.

So this one's for you my love, 

My little English dove.

If it were to be,

You'd be with me.

So I draw the line, 

With no permenant ink but chalk.

So that in time when the line, fades the love shall not,

But you'd be in my mind nothing but a dot,

A faint spot of my foolishness

When I once had thought that,

Someone as perfect as you could love the likes of me as I once did for you.

--------------------------------------
Happy Valentine's day to all you single people out there!! Don't get too depressed :D xxx

Just getting it all out.....

I am so pissed. Like, majorly pissed off. Some people just never change do they? And it's starting to get on my nerves! Big time. I'm sick of the fact they always act like nothing's wrong, yet I guess it's not to them! Cause they always get the best side of things. And I'm left with the shitty left over bits. As usual. It's just starting to get to me. I don't care if I'm over-reacting. Or if I'm acting a bit childish. I'm just trying to  say what I feel. But it's just not worth it. Cause they wont listen and they'll all twist the words. I hate the way they organise it all. With me just going along with it all. And I can't sit here much longer. The more I think about it the more it gets to me and I feel like I am going to burst. Or just kick and throw something. I've been known to be violent. Having gone through about 3 music stands due to my angry outbursts and many things breaking or getting lost having been hurled across my room. I currently have a hole in my wall where I punched it a few years back and at the same time hurting my knuckles. I don't want to go back to being that person who is constantly angry. Who has a short temper and who bursts into tears from the slightest things.That's not the person I am now. I'm the person who has fantastic friends, and who is a bit mysterious but happy, who smiles to herself and blushes when someone asks what I'm smiling at. The person doesn't have a care in the world and doesn't care what people think. The person who paints and writes and plays in a band. Am I? Am I really all those things? Do I really know who I am? Or am I just being molded into what I want people to think of me as. Am I worried about what people really think? Constantly watching what I do, worrying they'll think me a freak.Who am I?

I have another friend. I'm really worried. There's nothing I can do to stop them from doing the things they do. I phone them most nights. Just for a chat. But other times just to check they're still okay. I don't like it. It just adds to my list of things to think and worry about. They can talk to me about all their problems. They always do because I force it out anyway. I hate the fact there is nothing I can do to help other than listen. I feel so helpless.

Well, this is a really depressing blog tonight! Maybe it's because it's Valentines day on Monday and I am still single. Nearly 14 and still single. What a crazy life I lead....But on the up side! Michael Buble has written a song called 'Georgia On My Mind'! (My name is Georgia...) It's a great name! But hardly anyone can spell it. I only know a couple of people who can spell it properly! Haha!!