R.I.P VALKYRIE x

Guys, so much has happened in these past few months. And in fact nothing has really changed for the better. I'm still in that dark, lonely place, probably more than ever before.

Valkyrie passed away last month and I am still mourning her loss. I am heartbroken. She was the only thing that really helped me and I loved her more then anything in the whole world. I'm struggling to keep up with gcse's and still in pieces from the winter. Ah, the winter. I can barely think about it without crying. So many things happened to me during the winter just gone and I'll be honest, I'm still in broken from it all and it's only getting worse.

I just don't speak to anyone anymore. To them I am better. Nothing wrong. To them, I have forgotten everything from the winter and I'm carrying on like nothing ever happened. When, in reality I am far from fine. I'm having nightmares every single night. I haven't slept properly in weeks. And I have lost all interest in all my hobbies. For me now, it feels like my life is going nowhere. I'm stuck and everything and everyone around me is moving forward so fast I can barely see them go by. Nobody has ever really understood how I'm feeling, because I could never honestly describe how I was feeling. I wish I had the strength to help myself, but I don't. A month or so ago I had been making the effort to go to the doctors and I was getting help, but recently I haven't and now, with school and everything else I don't have the time or energy to help myself. Anyway, here's Val. Who I miss every single day and think about every single day without fail x

 x R.I.P Valkyrie- You were a true warrior hamster x

Don't hate me....Love me.

Love....

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.

Love me, That's all I ask of you..

Wishing you were somehow here again

Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would

Too many years, fighting back tears, why can't the past just die?

Try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try

No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years

Say you'll love me every waking moment

 

 

All I want is a world with no more night and by my side, to guard me and to guide me

It hurts..

Hearing a song which holds so many memories and breaking down in tears because it hurts so much to think of them.. <3

I feel like I'm slowly losing you and that scares me...

What do you do when your losing your best friend? The person you love and will care for always.Who should have been there for you forever. You used to talk so freely, carefree and with mutual understanding. But now it seems there a secrets. And it rips you apart. Emotionally, inside. You feel lost and insecure and scared. Scared to lose the one person who you ever truly trusted. And have no-one to turn to for help..

That hill of mine is getting steeper...

So annoying. Everytime I feel like everything is going to be okay and life is good again, something else happens and everything falls to pieces again. I read my last posts here and think 'Wow, remember when I actually nearly thought things were going well again...I feel so different now.'

The only different to how I used to feel and how I feel now, is that I don't just feel alone, I know I am alone. I just don't know what to do anymore. I went to someone for help and support and in fact it scares me to think it didn't help me at all. And I'm just too scared to talk to them anymore, like I don't want to admit I feel like this.

The other night I had a deep conversation with a friend and in fact it helped at the time. I'm missing a very dear friend right now and a lot has happened to me over the past months and so in fact this one person I spoke too the other night helped a bit. And he made me understand that it's okay to still be hurt over everything that has happened to me.And it's okay to be angry and upset.And told me that it takes time to get over everything, and that's fine. It helped a lot and in fact I told him things that I haven't told anyone at all. For instance, the time I went in the sea in freezing cold weather and rain in nothing but a vest and leggings and thought right there and then I was going to die. (Obviously I didn't). I told nobody about that because I fel ashamed when I do. Ashamed at how weak I was and how badly I broke down. And you know, when I spoke to him, I saw something in his eyes which also showed on his face. It was an emotion. An emotion I am not used to and one that I have never got from people when I talk to them about everything. It was understanding. And a bit of concern and worry. And I admit, it was really nice to know that finally somebody actually understand just how much I hurt. And just how much I have broken. He actually listened to me when I spoke. And I have never spoken to anyone face to face about it before.

So yeah..once again I am approaching a depressing stage. I can feel it coming and I know it won't be long before it hits..Life sucks sometimes. I look forward to the spring!

And now to end on a slightly lighter note, here is me with Valkyrie, who is looking slightly more grownup then the she did in the last few photos I put on here!

3 Photo's that describe me right now.

1.

2.

3.

I wear odd socks because matching ones are bad luck..

I am plagued by guilt and haunted by memories. Sad from the things that have been and scared for the things to come. Determined to succede and terrified to fail. I am worried to be different but happy to be unique. I hate to be judged for someone I'm not but pleased when I'm judged as someone better then I really am. It hurts to be alone, but peaceful on my own. I am the one person who knows who I am, but I don't really know who I am. I love blue skies and snow. Riding my bike and doing kickboxing. I enjoy playing trumpet and going to band. I like seeing friends and being in love. I prefer bumble bees to wasps and cats to dogs. My favourite flower is a sunflower and my favourite fruit is an orange. I prefer my hair short to when it was long but miss being able to tie it back into a knotty mess. I'd rather a book over a TV show and rather draw than paint. I am more of a night person to a day time but love wearing summer dresses and hot summer days. But I love wrapping up for winter and playing in the snow. I love catching snowflakes on my tongue and having a butterfly land on your hand.

Friday 13th is a day of pure bad luck. Walking under ladders gives you bad luck and stepping on cracks in the ground is deadly. Breaking a mirror gives you seven years bad luck. Full moon is beautiful but causes bad luck. I always wear odd socks due to matching ones causing a lot of bad luck and always sleep with the blind open slightly.

I keep a number of journals and like writing on walls with sharpie. I write down quotes I like and stick posters on my wall. I've had my heartbroken before realising my heart lay with someone else.

I wouldn't say I'm an average teenager.  I've been broken and put back together and broken again more times then I can remember and right now I am working on putting myself back together again. I am happy with who I am and don't care if people think I'm weird cause I wear odd socks or cause I prefer reading or because I write everything down in lots of different journals. I am putting the pieces of my life back together like a puzzle and when I am finished I am going to make sure they never fall apart again.

This is me and that is who I am. I am proud of who I am and I am happy. I won't let anyone else bring me down again because it's not worth it. Life is too short. Find out who you are while you have the chance. You only live once.
Goodnight all.
Sleep well
Love GeorgiaMay xx

Batlike Hamster.

This christmas I got the BEST present ever! A new friend..A hamster! I named her Valkyrie. She is a warrior hamster and as she is very clever and brave I have decided she has an IQ of 187. She is the most adorable thing I have ever seen (aside from my cat, of course) and she loves to hang from the bars of her cage upside down, rather like a bat.

Proof Of Perfection In Man...

I swear, this guy is proof that perfection does exist! I have fallen in love with the 'Criminal Minds' tv series and at the same time fallen in love with Matthew Gray Gubler. Here are some pictures for you all the drool over...(Just so you know..it was incredibly difficult to limit myself down to only a few of his 'best'(they're ALL his best pictures) pictures) So, here you go.....

So there you have it...I just about managed to cut down on the amount of photos I had to post on here! I love his acting and I love his character in Criminal Minds. Hope you all love him as much as I do! :)

Maybe Next Year Will Be Different...

As you can see, the title of my blog has changed and I have added a little description. I suppose as I grow up, I'm changing. In more ways then I'd ever imagine I suppose. I heard the phrase 'Think outside the box' and I guess it stuck in my mind. From now on I am going to do my best to 'think outside the box' as best as I can.

I'm partcularily looking forward to next year, 2012! I know ever year I say, 'Next year is going to get better. It's going to be even better than the year we're leaving behind.' And I guess I'm saying it again his year but so far it hasen't been true. It's like I'm lying to myself. But anyway, maybe next year will be different.

Lovely Weather For A Swim?...Maybe Not.

I think I'm losing my mind. I've gone crazy all of a sudden. Like those people who appear in films and you think to yourself, 'thank god I'm not like them', whilst watching them curled up in a ball on the ground in the pouring rain, crying like there's no tomorrow. Well, I didn't do that. But I was close to it. I suppose everything just came crashing down on me and I couldn't handle it. So I ran away. Well, when I say I ran away, I mean, I 'ran' to the beach. Alone. And sat on a rock and before I even knew it, every single worry, whether it was big or small came spilling out in the form of tears.
What happened next was a bit of a blur. Suddenly I was only in my vest and leggings and I was walking into the sea, in the rain and the wind. And for a while I didn't feel the cold. Which is weird. You'd think I would seeing as it's December and I was in the sea. But I didn't..for a while anyway. But all of a sudden it hit me and I couldn't breathe. It was like knives were cutting me all over. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced. But for a moment. Just for a second, the rest of me felt as numb and I had felt inside all along.
I was so unlike me. Which is why I couldn't understand it..usually I wouldn't even have the guts to do that. But right then, I just wanted too.
I'm an idiot.
And now I don't feel very well and I am a douche with no brain. GAH.

Anyway. That's enough moaning.
Hope you've all had a pleasant day.
Lotsa love.
GeorgiaMay x

If You Walk Away, Everyday It Will Rain <\3

Since listening to Bruno Mars's new song 'It will rain', I seem to have fallen in love with his music even more (if that's even possible).. I find myself being able to relate myself with his songs. And you know, that is why I think music plays such a huge part in people's lives. People couldn't live without it. And it's not because of the singer themselves, or the beat, or even the tune. It's the lyrics. People relate themselves to the lyrics in the song and that is why people love music so much. It's amazing really, how much a song can play such a part in someones life. 

Anyway, there's nothing more for me too say here other than...

'If You Walk Away..Everyday It Will Rain'

I Love You x

Love GeorgiaMay Xx

10 Things That Make Me Happy...

Feeling down lately, so I am going to name 10 things that make me happy and it'll make everything better and I'll be happy once again....

10 Things that make me happy:

1. Painting

2. Cycling/walking nowehere in particular on my own

3. Snow

4. Photos of good memories

 

5.A clear starry sky at full moon

6. Being hugged by someone I love and care about

7. laughter

8. Smiles

9. Love

10. Happiness!

Hey! I do feel a tad more happy now, after thinking about things I love....of course there's more then this, but I was limited to only writing 10! Then I found pictures for them all and other pictures and photos made me smile and laugh and now I feel very happy! Hope everone else out there is happy! I gonna share mine! Take the love everyone! Feel it, feel the love! Good night everyone Xx